Remember that line from Dancehall Queen? Marcia was about to wreck shop in the place, she came out to win. When I compete, that is what I am aiming for; I do not know how to lose. I want my children to adopt Ricky Bobby’s philosophy-”if you are not first, you’re last.”
One night Rashid’s teacher called me about the in-class challenges. He advised that Rashid does really well with the team sessions but when it comes to individual meets, he does not make the effort to win. Hannah had been in first place for quite some time and the teacher said he knows Rashid possesses the potential but he pulls back right at the end. I decided I should sit down with Rashid to find out what was going on. Boy was I surprised! Rashid proceeds to tell me that he is fine being in the top ten; he does not want to be first. Excuse me!!!! This made me furious. Why would I want this thought process around the little ones? In my home, we are producing winners, not people complacent with just making it. You know those that just get by, no sir, not in here. I stated my point and made sure he understood that 2nd place or any other place after that was not an option.
When M’khai played soccer for the first time last fall, (see his first practice here) his team never won. I would hear all the other parents saying “good job buddy”, “way to go on the field” encouraging their kids as they did pure shittery. Not me. I took M’khai out on my own a few times to give him a sound talking to. All he was concerned with was talking to Ella. The coach and other parents shot me the “she’s crazy look” a few times. I could care less. I need M’khai to understand that winning is important, sure playing the game is important to but what exactly is the point of playing the game? The NBA playoffs are on…you think these cats showed up to display their talent and sportsmanship?…ummm no. One team will win and the other will go home. We came to win and that is what our t-shirts will say at soccer this year. He was so happy to get a medal (that’s what they do with the kiddies, give both teams medals-ah lord.) but that happiness turned to reality after we got in the car. I could not let him leave the field thinking he was a winner, because he wasn’t. Sure he was good and played nice with the other kids but his team lost. I would rather be the one explaining the rules of life to my kids as opposed to the schools and society using this technique that “we are all winners” because the reality is that we aren’t. My children have to aim high, aim to win. Failure is for losers.
Ironically, I lost the family weight loss challenge. I did not work hard enough and I used that loss as a lesson to show the little ones what happens when you do not aim high. I was so sad I lost but as I reflect, how could I be surprised at the outcome? I mean I waited until the last minute to get serious and try to win. I had four months to show people I was a problem. I allowed the lead to be taken away from me and I never got it back. I also learned no one really cares about second place. After all, if you are not first, you’re last.
Share your thoughts with me on this topic. How do you teach winning and losing to your children?
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Thought I was the only parent that has this philosophy. I have instilled in my girls the drive to do the best they possibly can no matter what it is they are taking on. Sadly, I’ve had to teach them they must work 10 times as hard to get half of what others are given. Sometimes I know it is very stressful for them to live up to those expectations but I feel our society has embraced a culture of mediocracy which it the reason we have fallen behind. I will not let my children participate in that culture. My eldest has now seen how this attitude, along with hard work and determination, pays off. She graduated from high school last year with over $500,000.00 in scholarship offers. The college world was her pearl and she had schools fighting for her to choose them. She eventually chose Wellesley College (Hillary Clinton’s alma mater). She recently thanked me for being so tough on her so that her life may be easier and better than mine. After all, isn’t that what we are supposed to do as parents; make sure the generation that comes after us improve upon the legacy.