This job of being a parent is pretty tough. I go to work, have a list of things that need to get done and I do it (or at least act like I am doing it). It’s not the same with children…you actually have to teach them things and be a good person in their eyes so that they can grow remembering all of these lessons and examples and turn out to be good people. If I do not get to everything on the list at work, I have another day to get to it. The kids cannot wait. Every moment is important and if I miss something, a chance to show them something, that might be gone forever.
I bought M’khai some sunglasses a year ago and was heartbroken when he colored them and damn near destroyed them. It’s the exact same feeling I had when I bought Rashid a Nintendo DS and he colored that. I vowed to never buy them anything else. Could I really do that? Go the distance with not buying them anything? Obviously not.
Here is what I came up with: the kids need clothes, shelter, food and toys. When I buy things now, the bigger ones say “oh this is for me?” All excited, the moment is truly priceless. Enter me, “nope, this is for me and I am lending it to you.” The change in demeanor is a classic. You see when you introduce the “lending concept”, it throws a huge curve ball into play because they are not free to do what they want with the merchandise. This concept extends to clothes, shoes, shelter and damn near everything. It’s all mine. My money bought it and although I do not wear or use the items, they are still all mine. To prove my ownership when needed (that M’khai tests me all the time so sometimes I have to show him that I am the boss) I ask for a few things back and keep them in my room. Everything in hear from clothing to toys is addressed as mine.
If I see the room messy, I ask them why MY room looks that way. Shoes or clothes laying around, why are they treating MY stuff like that. I am sure you get the picture. It’s the best way I know how to teach my children the value of hard work, money and responsibility. You see when they earn money, they can do as they please because they will be able to replace it. Until then, it’s all MINE. This also works out to teach them how to share. I never hear any arguments or fights where one child is claiming ownership, because they all know who it belongs to-ME.
As my life would have it, M’khai found himself in a position to test me in regards to my ownership claims. Yesterday I observed him trying to hide the Nintendo DS from Kayden. I grabbed it and advised him that the DS was mine and if I wanted to, I could buy 5000 Nintendos. In his normal, cool and casual voice he then asked, “well if you can buy that much, can you buy your son one?” (LMAO)
My concept is working, it’s just that with witty kids like M’khai it will take a bit longer to sink in. Share with me how you teach your kids responsibility?
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this concept and I will be putting this into effect shortly. You have save the kids in this house another round of put it all in the bag….
yes I know the put it all in a bag concept. lol. Glad I could help. Thanks for stopping by. Come again.
Having read this, I certainly understand and see your point. On your behalf and the behalf of M’khai…being the middle child is a syndrome and takes on a persona of its own. Sharing is an issue because it is the “BATTLE OF THE AGES” if you will. Especially in when it is same sex siblings. In my opinion I wouldn’t he was hiding it per se, but more or less “protecting” what is rightfully his. The elder child wont alllow him to play with his Touch Ipod much less his DS , never mind that the DS is age appropriate between the two. Hence the purchase and introduction of the 2nd DS. In retrospect the younger child is going to do nothing but unintentionally destroy any of the aforementioned “toys” .
You introduced the “MINE” factor…they only reciprocate what they are taught…when you did the snatch and grab from Khai and emphasized MINE … consider he is quite clear as to why that could not be…by no means am I defending his verbiage, however you had MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME and it drove me to drink and drove you to hide my things for your use and one parent said share and the other said don’t borrow….your parenting skills are on point , the message has to be sent another way. Rashid had been the only child for along time…when he entered pre-k him being the new kid on the block he didnt understand the concept of sharing… his lesson came from his peers when one day he hoarded the blocks and introduced the “MINE” factor because after all he was an only child…well when i arrived to pick him up the teacher informed me of the slight altercation that took place…which was the kids that wanted to play blocks with Rashid justled him up in a corner and introduced “SHARE”(true story from the memoirs of a single mother). I said all of that to say Kayden needs a toy similar to what the older boys have so he doesn’t have the urgency to have what he sees the other two have …from a child’s eyes (especilally his) he IS ON THEIR LEVEL…so I will take the initiative and purchase the smaller version of the DS or whatever I feel will comfort his need…and then when you decide to say “MINE” think about if his response will be “no its not, its aunties” he may very well bring your KINDLE for you to know whats yours. I’d also like to add you were a MANNOY to the highest power